Here kitty, kitty, KITTY
by AnDrEwSrObOt
Summary: After Harmony finds out that Spike dreams about Buffy she does a spell on him. But as always it went wrong, now he has to relay on Buffy. Buffy thinks he's just cat though... i fixed chapter 11, you might want to read it over 2tally different.
1. New Changes

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty  
  
Disclaimer: Joss walks up next to me while I'm at the library typing up a story about HIS show. He said that if I say it's HIS show then I could get Spike for a day. Still waiting for that. anyways btvs belongs to JOSS!  
  
SUM: What if Spike was turned into a cat and Buffy happened to pick him up and take care of him?  
  
Spike was walking along his crypt trying to forget about Buffy. He just had a dream about her again! This was getting a little bloody ridiculous! I can't believe I'm dreaming about HER! Why her? Why not another vampire? It HAD to be her!  
  
His crypt door swung open and there stood Harmony looking pissed off at something.  
  
"Spike. last night you called me Buffy!" Harmony said as she put down a candle and lit it. "I know you dream of her! I'm not that stupid!"  
  
"Wouldn't go that far." Spike muttered.  
  
"Spike! I'm really reeeaaaallly mad at you. So I asked a "friend" to help me with a spell-"  
  
"Spell for what?"  
  
"Spell for y-o-u! I'm going to turn you into an ant then I'll step on you so you'll die."  
  
"Great plan, then we'll dress up in dresses and have a tea party!" Spike said as he clapped his hands together like a girl. "Like you can pull that off luv!"  
  
"Oh yeah." Harmony smiled evilly, Spike looked uncomfortable. "For all the pain and sorrow, I band thee to the animal world inside out. Tarra Tarra Tarra!" she shouted.  
  
Red and black light surrounded Spike.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
15 Minutes later.  
  
Buffy was outside breathing in the cool air. Sitting is good. It's nice to relax. Buffy closed her eyes. Suddenly something jumped into Buffy's lap and started purring.  
  
"Hello kitty. Where did you come from?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
15 minutes ago.  
  
The black lights faded away and there was a blonde cat with sharp blue eyes, it looked no more than 8 weeks old.  
  
"Oh damn it, you were supposed to turn into an ant not a cute kitty! Now I can't kill a cute kitty!"  
  
Spike jumped out into the cool night. Know to find Buffy and get her to help me. There she is, good she's out side.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hi, you're a cute kitty. I think I'll keep you." Buffy held the still purring cat and carried him inside.  
  
She's so warm Spike thought.  
  
"Mom, I found a kitty. Can we keep him?"  
  
TBC.  
  
Please R/R. Ps- thanx to my bestest friend for giving me this idea. 


	2. Feeding and name time

Buffy was sitting on her bed with a bowl of milk and the kitty on her lap. But the kitty wasn't drinking the milk, the kitty wanted blood.  
  
"Come on kitty! Drink your milk!" Buffy was a little worried because was just looking her, "MOM? How do you feed a cat that's not eating?"  
  
"Honey I don't know." Joyce said as she leaned against the door's jam. Ring- ring "oh, honey could you get the mail? I have to answer the phone."  
  
"Okay mom. Please eat something kitty!" Buffy said as she walked out.  
  
How do I get blood? I could try siting her but then she would either hit me, or possibly my chip could go off. Spike curled up in a ball. Good thing the curtains are shut. I'd be one bloody dusty cat.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What should I name my new kitty?" she asked to herself as she looked through the mail, "Umm, one of mom's magazines. Article 5. Read about the famous James Bond and how "the story" got out. James. sounds cute."  
  
Buffy picked up a letter addressed to her.  
  
"Oh, how sweet it's from Riley!" Buffy ran upstairs.  
  
"Hi JAMES, look I got a letter from Riley!"  
  
Oh joy. James? Where the hell did she come up with the name James?  
  
Buffy took out the letter and accidentally got a paper cut.  
  
"Ow! That hurt." She was about to bring it up to her mouth but Spike was there first. Licking at it and savoring the taste of Buffy's blood.  
  
God her blood is so sweet.  
  
"James? Kitty? Why are you licking my paper cut?" When "James" was done licking her blood away Buffy stood up and walked to her dresser. She pulled out a mirror. She held it up in front of Spike and saw he had no reflection.  
  
Buffy walked back down to her kitchen and pulled out a bag of blood. She heated it up and brought it upstairs.  
  
"This is soo weird." She put it right in front of Spike and he gulped and licked at it happily. She forgot all about Riley's card.  
  
"Honey, I bought that kitty litter box for your new kitty." Joyce yelled downstairs. "And Riley called you while you were outside, he said he needed to talk to you."  
  
Buffy came downstairs quietly, she picked up the phone and dialed Giles' number. *~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
Thank you for all of your "cute" reviews. Tell me if you like this chapter at all. I tried to meet everyone's request. I love suggestions and tips if you have any. Don't worry I know that  
  
1)Riley WON'T get Buffy  
  
2)Yes Angel WILL make an appearance and  
  
3) Harmony will get what she deserves.  
  
Please R/R 


	3. Smart Kitty

"So you got a paper cut and your cat just licked off the blood?" Xander tried to understand for the thousandth time.  
  
"Yeah, then I got my mirror and the cat had no reflection."  
  
"Who would turn a defenseless little kitty?" Willow said.  
  
"Well I could look in my books for anything about doing rituals for turning cats." Giles slipped off his glasses and cleaned them for the a millionth time.  
  
"It's probably a vengeance spell." Anya said (Author: Isn't Anya like the smartest person in the group?)  
  
"I thought w-when you d-d-did a vengeance spell you turn them into something horrible not something so cute." Tara looked down at the purring cat in her lap.  
  
Always liked this witch, never knew why, I just did.  
  
"So that's why you had him a cage with a blanket over it?" Xander asked.  
  
"Yep." Buffy looked at the kitty, he reminded her of someone. Knock-Knock  
  
Giles went to the door. "Hello Riley, come in."  
  
"Hi, everyone. Buffy did you get my card?" Riley said as he sat next to Buffy on Giles' couch.  
  
"Oh, sorry I got sidetracked by my new vamp-cat." Buffy said smiling at Spike still urled up in Tara's lap.  
  
"A vamp-cat?" Riley looked so confused.  
  
Stupid wanker, card-board, farm-boy, Stealing-Buffy. Person. Spike thought as he put his hand on buffy's hand.  
  
"Yeah he's a cat who's a vampire!" Xander said like he was the smartest person in the world.  
  
"You think I could bring him back to the lab?" Riley asked.  
  
Spike head popped up when Riley said that and he sprang on him and scratched him so hard that his arm started bleeding.  
  
"OW!" Riley shouted.  
  
Tara and Buffy caught Spike who instantly calmed down and curled back up into a ball in Buffy's lap. He started purring and rubbing his head against Buffy' leg. Which sent sparks up her leg.  
  
"I think that's a definite NO Riley." Anya said looking up from her magazine.  
  
"There's a First Aide in the bathroom Riley." Giles said pointing down the hall.  
  
"Thanks Giles."  
  
Riley walked down the hall, and shut the door.  
  
"Well, we all know he likes Buffy and Tara." Anya said looking back down at the article that she was reading.  
  
"Did you notice that when Riley said the word "LAB" he just panicked?" Willow asked.  
  
"Well now we know that he's smart."  
  
Spike's tail was moving up and down Buffy's arm. Buffy shivered and was shocked to see that liked what the cat was doing to her.  
  
I must be crazy. Buffy thought and she absently-minded petted Spike.  
  
I could stay this way forever. 


	4. Mother's touch

Buffy was sleeping on her back with Spike curled up in a ball on her stomach.  
  
Ring-ring Buffy woke up and reached and grabbed her phone.  
  
"Hello?" Buffy asked still half asleep.  
  
"Hey Buffy, it's me Riley. I was wondering if Gram and I could come over and take a look at your cat. Maggie said it would be interesting if we could record this."  
  
"Meow." Spike looked up at Buffy with sad eyes.  
  
"Buffy? You there?"  
  
"Yeah I'm here, why do you record everything? Are you like going to give him shots?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah but he's just a cat it's not like he has feelings."  
  
Spike growled and looked at the phone.  
  
"Riley my cat just growled when you said that. DO you really want to get attacked AGAIN?"  
  
"No, but Gram will be with me this time. And we have electric shock weapons."  
  
"There is no way you are going to give my cat electric shocks. Don't you care about animals?"  
  
"He's just a cat! It's like if shocked Spike you wouldn't care."  
  
Spike listened in interest. Would she care??  
  
"Yes, I would care! Spike hasn't done anything to me- well not in the past three days! And James didn't do anything to you. There is no way you are experimenting on my cat. Got it?"  
  
Oh yeah, she likes me. Spike thought as he curled up into her lap and started purring.  
  
"Listen riley I'll talk to you later." She hung the phone and petted Spike's head.  
  
She looked at the clock and saw that it was 4:00 in the afternoon.  
  
"I gotta take a shower."  
  
Spike looked up at her and got off her lap.  
  
Buffy's lifted her right eyebrow. She gathered her things for her shower. She walked down the hall. Spike following close behind her. Buffy walked into the bathroom and Spike ran in.  
  
"Kitty you have to get out so I take a shower."  
  
Spike jumped on the toilet seat and looked at Buffy. Buffy picked up Spike and put him outside the door but he ran in before she closed the door.  
  
"No, kitty stay outside."  
  
Again she tried to up Spike but he ran and jumped up on the counter.  
  
"You want to see me get into the shower huh?"  
  
"Buffy, who are you talking to?"  
  
"My cat mom." "Okay. you're going bed early tonight okay?"  
  
"Fine mom can you help me get James out of here so I can take my shower?"  
  
Joyce walked in and saw Spike on the counter looking innocent.  
  
"Come on kitty, I have some blood for you." He didn't move. "Some hot chocolate?" Nothing. "With mini marshmallows?" Spike jumped off the counter and walked out.  
  
I can see Buffy later. Spike thought. I love Joyce's hot chocolate.  
  
"How did you do that?"  
  
"Mother's touch I guess." 


	5. Sister talk and wishing

Author: thanks for all the great reviews for chapters 1-3. I hope you like this chapter. And to the reviewer who gave me the idea to use Dawn.  
  
Disclaimer: song is Christina Aguilera's not mine  
  
"oh, my body saying let's go. but my heart is say NO! If you wana be with me, baby there's a price to pay. I'm a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way-y-y." buffy was singing to her sister's CD.  
  
"Buffy! Give me back my CD!" Dawn shouted as she walked into her room. "I've been gone on a school field trip for three days and you using MY stuff. Give it back!"  
  
"You've ruined three of my sweaters, so No!" Buffy sat on the bed where Spike was trying to put his head under Buffy's pillow.  
  
Okay I love this girl, but can't bloody sing.  
  
"Since when did we get a kitty?"  
  
"Since three days ago, and he's a vampire kitty."  
  
"Cool, oh Riley's on the phone." Dawn paused "I'm going to get my CD back, if you like it or not."  
  
Buffy wasn't listening because Spike was rubbing up against Buffy's legs and purring.  
  
"Hello, earth to Buffy. Your boyfriend, Riley. Phone."  
  
"Oh right," she leaned over and picked up her phone. Spike was listening carefully with his vamp-cat hearing powers.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
No it's the tooth fairy. Buffy thought. "Yeah it's me."  
  
"I was wondering if I could come over and we could talk."  
  
Talk? Talk about what, they're on a bloody phone. You can "talk" on the phne that's why we have them.  
  
"Can't we talk right now?"  
  
"No I want to talk in. person."  
  
Riley trying to act sexy = ewww. Spike thought. Come on Buffy say no.  
  
"I don't know Riley my mom is home."  
  
N-O, say no.  
  
"Then come here."  
  
Bloody hell, say NO!  
  
"You can come here."  
  
WHAT?  
  
"Just to talk. NOTHING else. I'm still mad at you."  
  
Well, that was a start.  
  
"Ok, see you in half an hour."  
  
"Why are you seeing him? He's boring." Dawn said sitting on her bed. "If Riley could be any animal he would be a goldfish. No a gray fish. He's dull, dirt, nothing."  
  
I knew there was a reason why I liked Buffy's sister.  
  
"I'm seeing him because. well. because he's the only one who wants me."  
  
"Not true! What about Ben? The pizza deliver? Spike?"  
  
"What about Spike?"  
  
"He likes you I can tell."  
  
"No he doesn't, he act like it."  
  
"Well, he hasn't bugged you for a long time."  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"Willow. Go see him."  
  
"Well I could ask if he knows anything about James." Buffy petted James' head.  
  
Great NOW she wants to see me. Bloody great.  
  
"Riley should be coming by soon, get out."  
  
"Oh, fine. a little "PRIVATE" time with James?"  
  
I wish. Spike thought.  
  
"Out." Buffy pointed at the door. Dawn left and slammed the door, hard.  
  
"I wish you were a real person. Oh well."  
  
I am pet, I am. Stupid, stupid Harmony.  
  
TBC.  
  
Okay vote on one of these for later Chapters. Riley does turn into a fish Angel has to come back to LA cuz he loves buffy, and he turns into a puppy Buffy goes to Spike crypt and Harmony with ______.  
  
Thanx for R/Ring 


	6. Showering, break ups, and Passions

Author: Okay I just HAVE to say thankx to "voting" he/she gave me the best ideas for this chapter. I would give a personal thanks to all of my reviewers but you want to read the story. So here we go.  
  
Buffy was in the shower, thinking to herself. I wonder if Dawn really meant it when she said Spike liked me. I mean he's evil, disgusting, hot body, sexy eyes, and a tight. Wait I'm thinking of Spike's. Oh NO. so not going there.  
  
Buffy stepped out of the shower to see her kitty looking at her with wide eyes. Drinking her sight.  
  
"James! How did you get in here?" Buffy shouted which caused Spike to fall off the counter.  
  
Bloody hell! She's gorgeous! I've thought I'd say this.. I mean think this but, farmboy is so lucky to have her.  
  
Buffy threw a towel on herself and picked up Spike. She brought Spike downstairs and put him on the couch. "STAY!"  
  
How can I stay NOW? I just saw the most beautiful body in the world!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy went upstairs to change.  
  
Why am I so embarrassed, it was just my cat!?! Then why did I feel like he was cheking me out? She argued to herself.  
  
"Buffy! Riley's here."  
  
"Mom, make sure he doesn't touch James okay."  
  
Pause. "Okay honey."  
  
There was a sound of large footsteps on the stairs. Riley pushed his head in and Buffy waved her hand motioning him to come in. Riley silently sat down on Buffy's bed. Riley was just about to say something and Spike came in.  
  
Can't miss this for the world. I hope they break up harsh or Buffy smacks him across his face.  
  
Spike jumped up on Buffy's lap and started purring instantly, rubbing his head against her thigh.  
  
"Do you want me to get him out of here?"  
  
"No. He's fine." God what is this cat doing to me?  
  
"Okay first off, I wanted to say I'm sorry for acting like a."  
  
Asshole? Jerk? Moron?  
  
"Not a boyfriend." Riley suggested.  
  
"What? Not a boyfriend? Riley you were a jerk!"  
  
"Because I wanted to send a jolt of electricity into your cat?"  
  
"Yes! James has feelings too."  
  
Yes I do!  
  
"He's a cat!"  
  
"A smart cat!"  
  
Yeah listen to THAT farm boy she said I was smart. Which is more than I can say for YOU.  
  
"No, he is not. Watch. he has creepy eyes, and the way he curls up to you, it looks like he's horny. Like you're his bitch."  
  
Spike jumped on Riley's head and clawed into his face. Buffy stood up and grabbed Spike and pulled him to her body.  
  
"No bad cat." She put him outside her out and turned around and smacked Riley square in the face. "Get out, leave me and my family alone. Or I will personally KICK YOUR ASS!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Outside the door.  
  
Hahahahahahaha serves ya right captain cardboard. I wonder if Passions is on.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Fine, but you better not come around asking for my help." Riley went outside and slammed the door. He walked down stairs to see Buffy's kitty curled up on Joyce's lap watching Passions.  
  
"Weird family." Riley walked out the front door and into his car.  
  
Next chapter: Searching and telling secrets. 


	7. Searching and Secrets

Buffy put on her leather jacket and grabbed her stake.  
  
"Time to slay. Joy." Buffy said to herself in the mirror. "I wonder if Spike likes cats. Never thought about it. Do you think Spike likes cats?"  
  
Spike was sitting on Buffy's bed watching her dress.  
  
I think I like cats because I don't know maybe I AM ONE!  
  
"I wonder if Spike's in his crypt." Buffy looked at her kitty.  
  
No, I don't bloody think I'm in my crypt luv.  
  
"We could go slaying and maybe, if he's not a jerk, I might take him to the bronze."  
  
BLOODY GREAT  
  
"Well I'm off."  
  
I HATE Harmony, when I get changed back I'll shag the slayer, then I going to KILL Harmony. Again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy threw open the door of Spike's crypt to find nothing but weird sounds coming from the level below.  
  
"-Then the bitch tells me to stay away from her family, like I was a killer ya know?"  
  
"God, that's horrible. Like this one time when this totally smutty salesgirl told me to stay away from her boyfriend just because he said that Tiffany said that Cordy said that I said I wanted to bone him. When everybody knew I was totally into Todd!"  
  
Buffy looked into the lower level to see Riley and Harmony in an award position.  
  
"You two-timing BITCH!" Buffy shouted. Wait why do I care?  
  
"Umm, I should leave. Now." Riley said jumping off Harmony and grabbed his clothes and ran down one of the sewers.  
  
"Don't come back." Buffy yelled. "Why are you cheating on Spike?"  
  
"Because he was cheating on me kind of." Harmony said pondering and nodded.  
  
"Kind of?"  
  
"Well, he dreamed of having sex with- someone."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"I don't know, cat got his tongue." Harmony started laughing on-stop.  
  
"Whatever. Where is he?"  
  
"I don't know actually. Probably in a trash can."  
  
"O-K." Buffy turned around. "But know this, I'm going to tell Spike." *~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy went into her room and removed her jacket and top. Then, put on her PJs on. She sat on her bed and Spike jumped up on her lap and rubbed his head on her stomach.  
  
"Hi James. Can you believe it, Spike wasn't in his crypt. Did he leave? He left me. Wait we were never together."  
  
We are together now pet. Expect I'm the pet but that doesn't matter. Wait is saying that she misses ME?  
  
"God Spike is hot."  
  
Spike lifted his head up stared up at Buffy's face.  
  
"I mean the way he moves, fights, his eyes, his body, his ass. Oh god his ass." Buffy fell back on the bed.  
  
Oh yeah. Score. She thinks I'm oh yeah! Bloody hell I sound like a cheerleader!  
  
"I love the way he looks at me." Buffy sat and looked into Spike's eyes. "Can you keep a secret?"  
  
Spike nodded his head and grinned with his kitty lips.  
  
"Whenever I was with Riley I closed my eyes and dreamed it was Spike. Weird huh? Then I have dreams that Spike and I are on a dessert island alone. We make out and do STUFF. I wish it could happen." Spike stood up and rubbed his head on Buffy's breasts. And purred loudly.  
  
"God you're like a vibrator."  
  
Great she FINALLY admits she wants me and I'm a bloody cat! When I'm back to my normal self, Buffy wouldn't be able to walk for a week.  
  
"Maybe I can do a location spell." Buffy thought. "Nah, then Willow would ask questions and tell Xander who will Giles who will my Mom. No I think I'll wait a little longer."  
  
DAMN IT! I can't wait any longer! 


	8. Coffe and spells

Author: I just wanted to say thankx for all of you reviews. I know how this will end but I don't know when it will end. So on with the fic.  
  
Buffy was punching a bag thinking of what happened yesterday. Spike leaving, Harmony cheating on Spike, Spike, Spike, and Spike.  
  
Why am I thinking about Spike? He's gone he left. Never to be seen again.  
  
"Okay Buffy don't kill the bag." Willow said watching her friend work-out.  
  
"Hey Wills, whats up?"  
  
"Nothing, I just came by to see if you wanted to have a girl talk. I also wanted to know if I could see James again. He is the cutest kitty ever!"  
  
"I know, but he does stuff."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"I'll explain everything over a nice tall coffee."  
  
"Right and you'll buy?"  
  
"Hey you're supposed to say 'Oh girl talk I'll buy coffee cuz you're my best friend'."  
  
"Whatever, you're still buying Buffy."  
  
"Fine." Buffy said as she threw up her hands in the air.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
half an hour later.  
  
"You mean he watches you dress!"  
  
"Yes, he won't leave the room."  
  
"Dress in the bathroom.'  
  
"He follows me there too!"  
  
"Weird." Willow shrugged her shoulders. "Horny-vamp cat?"  
  
"probably. did I tell you about Spike?"  
  
"Only about a million times. He probably just left for a little while. He's probably watching Passions right now smoking a cigarette in a hotel."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike was perched up on the top of buffy's couch watching a Britney Spears concert that Dawn was watching.  
  
If the niblet doesn't turn off that bloody music I'm going to commit suicide. BLOODY HELL  
  
Dawn picked up Spike and held him like a baby as she twisted him around and sang to Overprotected.  
  
I REALLY HATE being a bloody cat. *~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"You're probably right." Buffy said. Then she looked down at the table.  
  
"I could do a location spell for you. If you really want me to."  
  
"You wouldn't tell Xander and Giles?"  
  
"No way! It would be our secret."  
  
"Cool!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Riley climbed the tree out side Buffy's room and went through the window.  
  
"Now to find that cat." Riley fired up his electric gun.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Willow's house.  
  
"I can't wait to get out of here and go back to the dorms. You?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Okay here's the spell. Do you have something of Spike's?"  
  
"Yes." She handed Willow Spike's lighter.  
  
"Are you sure that Spike was the male to touch this?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay, Horthy Morethy Rapa kanna find-"  
  
then the phone rang starling Willow.  
  
"Hold on. Don't touch the book."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~ Riley went down stairs and saw that Dawn went to get a drink.  
  
If she does again I'm going to cough up a hair ball in her cereal tomorrow. Spike thought as he sat down.  
  
Riley walked up behind Spike who had his eyes closed and aimed the gun at him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Willow went down the hall. Buffy looked at the book and accidentally dropped the book on the floor and the book closed.  
  
"Shit."  
  
Willow was coming back and Buffy opened the book to another page.  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
"Wrong number. Okay where was I? Oh find, fisher, jara, mammal no more, fish, fish, fish!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Red and blue lights surrounded Riley and he fell to the ground.  
  
Wait, where did my legs go? Oh my gosh! I'm A FUCKING FISH! *~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
2 days ago. Riley walked into Spike's crypt and picked up Spike's lighter and flicked it on.  
  
"What are you doing?" harmony asked.  
  
"Nothing." Riley shoved down the lighter.  
  
"What are doing?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Buffy did you touch my book?"  
  
"No, not at all why?"  
  
"It didn't work but we could try again. After I get the ingredients."  
  
"Fine. Thanks for trying." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dawn walked into her living room with a glass of water. She saw a gray fish on the room and picked it up and put him into her water.  
  
"Buffy has a pet, so I'm going to have a pet."  
  
Wait a second. where did you bloody come from?  
  
Oh my gosh why can understand you? Spike?  
  
TBC  
  
Plez r/r 


	9. Conversations with fish and hating Peach...

Author: Thanks for all of your reviews, I hope I didn't make people laugh so hard that they almost fell out of chair. I know that if I say that I'm not continuing this story that all of my reviewer are going to hurt me. I'll make this chapter as long as I possibly can..  
  
Spike watched Riley swim around in his little tank as Dawn and Buffy talked.  
  
"So you just found him on the floor of our living room?"  
  
"Yeah. You have a pet so I'm going to have a pet."  
  
Hahaha. Spike thought.  
  
What? Riley shouted.  
  
Nothing it's just Riley **FINN**.  
  
Shut-up right now!  
  
I feel so sorry for you mate. Wait no I don't. Leave me alone.  
  
Or what you'll kill me with your bloody fish eyes?  
  
I knew there was a reason why you attacked me.  
  
Any animal would attack you by looking at your face.  
  
So, still dating harmony?  
  
No, we're separated.  
  
Oh because she's good in bed.  
  
Yeah after she talks you to death. And how would YOU know that?  
  
Well let's just say we were 'together'.  
  
Well, you know while you're in here watching the little teen I get to see Buffy undress.  
  
You son-of-a  
  
And I get to see her in the bloody shower. I get to curl up in her lap all snug and warm.  
  
I'm gonna kill you.  
  
Good luck seeing as you're in your little water bowl. I also get to sleep in her bed.  
  
Liar!  
  
Nope, it's the bloody truth. And she said I was hot and that see dreams of me.  
  
Like she'd give you the time of day.  
  
Spike got up and stood over the fish bowl.  
  
What are you doing?  
  
Spike put his paw in the water and twirled it around making a whirlpool.  
  
"Why do you want a fish. They're boring."  
  
"Well so is your boyfriend but I don't say anything."  
  
"Riley and I are not together anymore."  
  
"YES! I mean to bad."  
  
Buffy stared at her sister with the 'look'.  
  
"Well, you're free to date Spike!"  
  
"Like Spike would want me." Spike jumped up on Buffy's lap and walked around Buffy purring. Buffy gently put him in her lap.  
  
"Buffy where is my goldfish?" *~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
5 seconds ago..  
  
Spike spun the water so fast that Riley fell out of his bowl and fell to the floor. Spike was about to eat him when Buffy said that he would never want her.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"There you are Bob! Bad , bad fishy."  
  
"BOB?"  
  
"Yeah boring old boy."  
  
Suits you right. Spike said as he rubbed his head against Buffy's thighs.  
  
"How do you know it's a guy?"  
  
"No girl would look this ugly."  
  
So true, so true. Spike thought as he rubbed his tail against Buffy's arms.  
  
Stop touching my girlfriend.  
  
She's not your property anymore. Even if she was she would still want me.  
  
"Buffy could you leave, I want to listen to Backstreet music-"  
  
"You've enough, James and I are leaving NOW." Buffy cradled Spike to her chest and carried him to her room.  
  
Please don't leave me here! Riley shouted but Buffy was already out of sight. Dawn started singing LOUDLY to Larger than Life.  
  
I HATE being a fish.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy put Spike on bed and took off her top leaving Spike to see her bra.  
  
I love this part of the day.  
  
Buffy couldn't seem to find a top so she stood there topless leaving Spike to devour her looks.  
  
Maybe being a cat isn't that bad.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
In LA..  
  
Angel was pacing around his room.  
  
I can do this. just call Buffy. Just pick up the phone and call her. And say what? Sorry for breaking your heart I need some help and by the way I still have feelings for you.  
  
Angel stopped and looked around.. I left Buffy, she'll understand that I need her help. And I don't have to tell her that I have feelings for her.  
  
Angel picked up the phone and dialed Buffy's number..  
  
*~*~*~*~*~  
  
(Since I promised a longer chapter I'm going to continue.)  
  
Buffy finally picked a leather tank-top and sat on the bed with Spike.  
  
"Am I crazy? Wanting Spike."  
  
Spike shook his cute kitty head at Buffy.  
  
"So I should do a location spell to find Spike?"  
  
Spike shook his head yes.  
  
"I could talk to you forever."  
  
I could other things besides talk to you.. Spike thought. Buffy's phone rang and Buffy answered it.  
  
"Riley I told you to stay the hell away from me."  
  
"Bad relationship Buff?" said a deep Irish voice.  
  
Wait, is that peaches?  
  
"Angel?" Buffy breathed out.  
  
Whatever he says say no and do a bloody location spell before he says-  
  
"You need to come to Sunnydale. Sure you can stay at my house."  
  
Bloody fucking hell. No! NO! NO! He's going to ruin my bloody plan!  
  
"Tomorrow, sure."  
  
Okay new plan 1) Get peaches out of the picture 2)Become human and dust Harmony 3) Flush fish boy or possibly turn him into a rock  
  
"I'm fine, nothing new. Except I found a vampire cat and decided to keep him."  
  
4) Get a new pet for the niblet  
  
"No he hasn't tried to bite me."  
  
5) Shag the slayer  
  
"Oh no he hasn't even tried to leave the house."  
  
And basically 6-101 is shag the slayer.  
  
"He's hasn't tried to hurt anyone, execpt Riley."  
  
Okay maybe 6-100 because I need a fag (Author: I think that's a cigarette.)  
  
"Riley is my X-boyfriend. We broke up."  
  
How do I get peaches out of the picture? I could dial his cell and hang up making it look like one of his friends.. No he has cell phone ID..  
  
"So I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"I can't wait Buffy."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Bye Buffy."  
  
Buffy hung up the phone and looked at James.  
  
"That was Angel, you'll love him. I hope." Buffy said as she stroked Spike's head.  
  
SURE I'll love him to death..  
  
TBC..  
  
I hope that was long enough. Plez R/R 


	10. Posters and revealing

Author: Thankx for reviewing it keeps up my hopes to write humor!  
  
Buffy looked herself over in the mirror. 'I can so this it's easy, I can do this.' Buffy breathed in and out. 'It's just going to take 30 seconds no one will know.'  
  
Buffy took out her Billy Idol poster and taped it to the wall. Buffy looked it over and breathed in once again.  
  
"So Spike how's it going? No. Hey Spike wana patrol? No. Hey Deadboy go on a date with me or I'll stake you. No that's not right either."  
  
Spike was on buffy's bed laughing his little head off.  
  
I thought that I was obsessed. Bloody hell I thought that the doll head was bad but a bloody poster?  
  
Ding-DONG  
  
Buffy ripped off the poster and shoved it into her closet.  
  
"That must be Angel." Buffy smoothed out her shirt and walked down stairs.  
  
Buffy opened the door and it was Anya and Xander.  
  
"Oh, hi guys."  
  
"Don't look so happy to us really, it's fine." Xander said sarcastically.  
  
"No! No Xander it's not that, it's just. I was expecting Angel."  
  
"Angel? Why?"  
  
"Oh, you're X-boyfriend who can't have sex with you because he'll lose his soul and kill people."  
  
Buffy was wide-eyed, "Hi Angel."  
  
Xander and Anya looked behind them and saw Angel standing there looking at the ground.  
  
"Well, we're just gonna grab Dawn then go away, far away." Xander said as he dragged Anya upstairs.  
  
"What did I say?" Anya said.  
  
"Hi Buffy."  
  
"Hey Angel."  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure come in."  
  
Spike ran down the stairs to the last stair and stared at Angel with evil eyes. "So that's you're vampire cat?"  
  
"Yes, this is James the cutey."  
  
Hear that peaches she thinks I'm cute not broody.  
  
"So I needed that book, about hat demon."  
  
"Oh yeah sure, hold on." Buffy dashed upstairs as Xander, Anya, and walked downstairs.  
  
"Hi Dawn."  
  
"Don't 'hi Dawn' me after what you did to my sister! Basta-" Xander clasped his hand over Dawn's mouth.  
  
I think Dawn is now my favorite 15-year-old girl who listens to Britney Spears music.  
  
"That is enough Dawnie. Let's go."  
  
Buffy walked downstairs with Angel's book, and handed it to him.  
  
"Why is it so quiet?"  
  
"Hey Buffy we need to talk about us."  
  
Giles,Willow, and Tara walked through the door with Joyce.  
  
Spike jumped on Angel's leg and scratched Angel on his leg.  
  
"See animals can sense evil." Dawn shouted.  
  
Buffy grabbed Spike and held him against her heart. And put her face in his face.  
  
"Bad kitty!"  
  
Spike couldn't help it he touched his nose to Buffy's nose and gave her a kitty-kiss. *~*~*~*~~*~*~*~  
  
Spike's crypt..  
  
There has to be a way to get Spike back, he has to or the slayer's gonna kill me.  
  
She pulled out a book of spells and read:  
  
In order to reverse an animal spell he/she must kiss their true love in front of the loved person's loved ones. And must have the blood of hi/her first love on his/her hands.  
  
"Yeah that's gonna happen." Harmony threw the book over her shoulders and kept looking through her papers.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy threw down James because he started to get blood red and midnight black lights swirling around him.  
  
There stood Spike naked looking at all of Buffy's friends/ family he had finally got his wish and all he could say was,  
  
"Buffy luv, could you toss me that blanket over there?"  
  
TBC 


	11. Cds and Love

Author: ok I've made you wait too long so here..  
  
Buffy threw a blanket at Spike's head.  
  
"Thanks luv. Hey everybody how's it goin'? Nice to see you peaches."  
  
"I knew there was a reason why you scratched all my *n Sync CDs!" Dawn cried.  
  
"Those should be burned pet." Spike smirked to himself.  
  
Everybody looked at Dawn and Spike like they were insane.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
2 hours ago..  
  
BYE BYE BYE, BABY BYE BYE BYEEEEE! Dawn sang.  
  
I'm really going to kill Dawn if she doesn't turn off that bloody accuse for music.  
  
Dawn took out her CD and put in her Aaron Carter CD.  
  
A loud rip noise echoed throughout the room.  
  
"BAD JAMES! BAD!!"  
  
Dawn picked up Kitty-Spike and put him outside.  
  
I feel better.. I wonder what Buffy's doing.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"You are soo replacing those."  
  
"Sorry for helping you destroy the sorry accuse for pop music?"  
  
"Okay I'm sorry for breaking up your little conversation but you were m-my k-k-k-it-itty just a few seconds ago." Buffy said.  
  
"It was Harmony, the bitch. She turned me into a sodding cat just because I love you-" Spike eyes went wide, did he really say that aloud?  
  
**THUD, THUD** Xander and Giles fainted.  
  
"You WHAT?" Angel said.  
  
"Angel you have your book, you should just go, please. I'll call you later." Buffy was looking at the floor.  
  
"Yeah, just leave, you son-ofa" Anya put her hand over Dawn's mouth again.  
  
"I'll leave Xander here and take Dawn to the movies." Willow and Anya left.  
  
"Bye Buffy." Angel gave Spike a nasty look that could kill. He left in a huff.  
  
"Well-" Joyce said sort-of squeaky-like, she was embarrassed of Spike's butt. "Buffy you can get Spike some clothes." She turned her head and walked into the kitchen. Leaving Spike and Buffy alone.  
  
"So" Spike started.  
  
"So." Buffy finished.  
  
"A poster of Billy Idol luv?" Spike chuckled a little bit when he saw Buffy blushed a deep red.  
  
"What? It's not like- against the law." Buffy said lamely.  
  
"Love, I wanted you to know that you're wrong about something."  
  
"What?" Buffy whispered quietly.  
  
"I will always want you." Spike said looking directly into her twinkling eyes.  
  
"Me too." She said softly.  
  
"And all this time we were fighting?"  
  
"Kind of ironic huh?"  
  
"Just a bit."  
  
"Spike, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"You just did but sure."  
  
"Will you go out to the Bronze with me o-on a d-date? Please." Buffy looked at the floor waiting for him to say 'Ha you really thought I loved you?'  
  
"I thought you'd never ask pet."  
  
They closed the gap between them and kissed very slowly. Savoring every second.  
  
TBC or The end? 


	12. A month later and the Riley factor of a ...

A/n- What can I say I'm bored.  
  
A month later-  
  
"-rockus, ruockius, rocckiuss." Spike put down the spell book and looked into the fish tank. Sure enough the swimming Riley fish was yes ladies and gents a gray rock.  
  
Buffy walked into her room to see Spike sitting shirt-less on her bed staring at a rock in Dawn's fish tank.  
  
"Honey were you sniffing my oils again?" Buffy said next to Spike on bed and put her head on Spike's shoulder.  
  
"I'm not high luv." He grabbed the rock out of the fish tank and put it on Buffy's dresser.  
  
"Then why were you staring at that rock, I mean there's nothing to look at." Buffy stared petting his messy hair.  
  
"I'd ask you the same thing pet." Spike leaned into her touch.  
  
"Okay now I know you're high." Buffy pushed Spike on the bed in a not-so- gently way. "What did you do?"  
  
"Nnothingggg, that what would concern you. Why do you think that **I** did something, **I** never do anything pet." Spike flipped Buffy on her back.  
  
"RRRight like last week when I caught **YOU** hammering my favorite movie into bits because you were jealous of the sexy lead guy." Buffy flipped Spike on his back.  
  
"I wasn't jealous.. That movie was not meant for your eyes that's all." Spike flipped Buffy onto the ground.  
  
"Ow, it was just She's All That Spike!" She continued to roll Spike on his back.  
  
"Oh come on luv you were so checking Freddie Flinstone out!"  
  
"His name is Freddie Prince Jr. And you are way cuter than him."  
  
"I don't wana be cute luv. I wana be manly and dangerous!"  
  
"Oh so you crying on Tru Confessions makes you manly and dangerous."  
  
"Hey, that was a really touching movie." Spike put his hand over his heart. "It touched inside. SERIOUSLY!"  
  
Buffy could see he wasn't joking.  
  
"Oh, look at my sensitive manly boyfriend. I love you Spike."  
  
"I love you too Buffy."  
  
They started kissing when Buffy interrupted.  
  
"Wait, why were staring at that rock?"  
  
"I have my reasons luv."  
  
Riley's thoughts- That no good stealing girlfriend, kitty, over-powered, stupid, unattractive, moreic, son of a-  
  
"And they are.."  
  
"Ok I guess I'll tell you the truth. That rock is Soldier-boy."  
  
"Oh, william the bloody is making poetry about my x-boyfriends."  
  
"No seriously pet that rock IS Riley."  
  
"Sure it is Spike. Please stops talking about that insensitive jerk and let's move it. It's almost time for Dawn's party!"  
  
"Okay don't say I didn't tell you pet."  
  
TBC? The END?? WHAT?? R/r 


	13. Gettin' ready, secrets come out and yakn...

A/n Back on popular demand! If you like this story and put on your site it's okay with me just be sure to say By, Andrew'srobot. Thank you.  
  
On with the show.. I mean roll it, wait no ACTION no..Um story? Yah the story..  
  
"Spike are you ready for Dawn's surprise party?" Buffy yelled through the bathroom door.  
  
She opened the door to see Spike dressed in a tight red turtleneck sweater with dark blue jeans. **YUMMY**  
  
"If you keep shouting that pretty mouth off then it won't be a surprise party love." He flashed his trade mark smirk. "Yes luv I've been ready for an hour! What the bloody hell is taking you so long?" He looked inside the bathroom to see a scattered make-up kit and tons of used colored tissue paper.  
  
"I couldn't decide on the dress color!" Buffy said coolly.  
  
Spike looked down at her light purple winter dress that went down to her thighs. Complete with a small purse and silky scarf.  
  
"Well, whatever you wear your nature beauty will always cover it up love."  
  
"Are you trying to tell me that I look fat in this dress?" Buffy said getting panicked. "I knew I should've worn black!"  
  
"Luv! I never said you were fat. If I didn't know you any better I'd say you were pregnant.. You're not pregnant are you luv?" Spike swallowed the lump in his throat.  
  
"No!" Buffy said a little to quickly. "What ever g-gave you that idea?"  
  
"I'm going to be a daddy!" Spike picked up Buffy off the ground and spun her around being as gentle as possible. "We can turn the guest into the nursery and we'll call him William of course, and if she's a girl we'll call her Christina or how about Christine no-"  
  
"SPIKE! Calm down, I only took one test it might be wrong."  
  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Spike pouted like an innocent child.  
  
"Because I thought.. Ithoughtyouwouldleaveme."  
  
"Come again luv?"  
  
"I thought you would leave me." She said in a tiny whisper.  
  
"WHAT?" Spike shouted. "Where in the bloody hell did you get a daft idea like that!" Spike grabbed Buffy's comb and helped her brush out her hair.  
  
"Well, when most boyfriends find out that there skinny girlfriends are gonna be fat with a kid, they leave them."  
  
"No offense but I'm NOT like most boyfriends, Buffy we're gonna be parents!"  
  
"Oh no."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"That means I get the talk from mom."  
  
"What talk?"  
  
"You know the one: What were you thinking Buffy you're only 20 years old!" Buffy said imitating her mother's voice.  
  
"You know you have to tell her ducks, now so she won't be to mad."  
  
"I'm in such deep shit."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Joyce threw her arms around Buffy and started crying then she grabbed Spike in the hug.  
  
"I'm just so happy."  
  
Buffy looked horrified and Spike looked amused.  
  
"You two are finally going to settle down. Oh you have to live here so the baby can see me, HER GRANDMOTHER! Oh, OH, OH and you two HAVE to get married. Oh there's so much to do so little time!"  
  
"Mom, we've only been going out for about a month. You're not mad?"  
  
"NO! This is why I had kids, TO HAVE GRANDCHILDREN! And come on Buffy you two love each other and oh my gosh Spike I'm going to be a grandmother!" She started crying again. "Oh I'm going to go downstairs and finish Dawn's cake."  
  
Buffy was stunned. **How, what, HUH? **  
  
"Just one thing luv. How could we have a baby if my yaknow doesn't yaknow to your.. Yaknow?"  
  
"I think you might have a little bit of a spark left."  
  
"Well you know what this means right pet?"  
  
"Free labor?"  
  
"Nope even better, luv we can get married."  
  
"Are you askin' me?"  
  
"Are you acceptin'?"  
  
"Yeah I guess I am, only if you buy a huge sparkly two karat diamond ring-"  
  
"And so it begins."  
  
"-Take me out to a romantic dinner under the shiny stars, near the peaceful ocean with a picnic with music-"  
  
They walked hand-in-hand down the stairs as Buffy continued to ramble about how romantic white doves would be at their wedding.  
  
TBC R/R  
  
Next chapter: Buffy tells all that she's yaknow and not everyone is as happy as Joyce is. 


	14. Birthdays, and telling

The whole house was quiet and dark. It was eerie and creepy. Dawn walked quietly up the front steps. She was late getting home because RJ wanted to give her a present.  
  
No people, not that kind of present.  
  
She opened the door carefully. **I can't believe everyone forgot my freaking birthday! **  
  
"SURPRISE!" echoed a loud ringing of all Dawn's friends and family. The outburst made Dawn fall backwards. **THUMP**  
  
"Oh, Dawn honey, are you hurt?" Joyce helped her paralyzed daughter up.  
  
"Oh my gosh, I thought you all forgot! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I love you all."  
  
"Present-time!" Anya shouted from behind her. "It's time to open presents and find out what people gave you, and who spent the most money on you."  
  
"Anya's been waiting for this since we told her about the party." Willow said.  
  
"Yes, quite annoying actually." Giles said. "Well, might as well see what you got."  
  
Dawn squealed, clapped her hands, and jumped up and down all the way to the couch.  
  
"Wait, where's Buffy and Spike?"  
  
"Right here, Niblet." They walked off the last step of the stairs and sat down next to Dawn still hand-in-hand.  
  
"Okay, good we're all here now open the presents already!" Anya handed Dawn a small package.  
  
She was about to open it when she said, "You know, I really like this."  
  
"Like what Dawnie?" Tara said.  
  
"Being together, all of us. Not fighting and just together."  
  
"Okay now that we have that out of the way open the presents!" Anya almost shouted.  
  
*~~~***~~~***~~~~*  
  
15 min. later..  
  
"So that's it? A make-up kit, a new Backstreet Boys jacket, the book "Holes", and the entire first season of Friends? No more presents?" Dawn looked around.  
  
"Nope there's one more thing Niblet." Spike took out a medium size package out from behind a large couch cushion. "I wanted to forgot about this but I knew you'd like it."  
  
Dawn opened the present and burst out laughing. "Where did you find this?" Dawn said as she wiped away the happy tears streaming down her slim face.  
  
She held up a photograph of a cute little kitten (Spike) in a little doll tuxedo looking straight at the camera. It was framed with other little golden kittens around it.  
  
"Well, I remembered that you took a picture of me, which I bloody hated, then after I turned back I got the camera to burn the film but I knew you loved the picture. So I bought the frame and got the picture developed."  
  
Dawn hugged Spike so tight that if he were living, he would have died. After she let go Buffy spoke up.  
  
"I have great news everyone! Spike and I are getting married and we're pregnant."  
  
The room was deadly silent except for Joyce smiling and mumbling 'finally' under her breath.  
  
"Spike's pregnant?" Anya said.  
  
"NO! I'm pregnant with Spike's baby."  
  
"Oh, well I'm happy for you. You're boyfriend actually proposed." Anya got up and hugged Buffy awkwardly.  
  
"Oh Buffy, I'm happy for you too." Dawn hugged Buffy too.  
  
"WHAT?" Xander stood, "I thought vampire's couldn't produce babies! And you're getting married! When? How long have you keep this from us this time?" All the talking made Xander faint right on the spot. **BAM**  
  
"He took that better than I thought he would." Buffy sighed.  
  
"I-I'm h-happy for y-y-you two. And I hope you're h-happy." Tara joined the hug.  
  
"Willow? You're happy for us right. I know this probably is a shocked you know- Spike just asked me to mar-"  
  
"You're gonna have a baby!" Willow screamed. "I'm going to be an aunt!" she ran over to hug Buffy than Spike making him fall backwards. "Oh my gosh! You have to get a new apartment and a baby's room. And there has to be pink fuzzy bunnies.."  
  
"Why pink bunnies, we don't want to paralyze the poor little thing." Anya said.  
  
"Fine then lime green fuzzy turtles. And oh, oh cute little feetie pajamas! And if she's a girl you should call her Emma, no Lizzie, no wait RAVEN! And she'll have boyfriends, and became a famous singer with tons of groupies. Oh and then she'll have to go through hell of high school."  
  
"Wait, wait, wait, 1) Calm down red 2) How do know if he's not a boy and 3) breathe before you end up like the whelp." Spike said.  
  
"Giles? How do you feel?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I have to check something in my books excuse me. Happy Birthday Dawn." He looked at the floor. "Ms. Summers."  
  
"Mr. Giles." Joyce answered. They still weren't comfortable around each other after the candy incident.  
  
Giles walked out the door leaving Buffy stunned at his reaction.  
  
TBC  
  
A/n- Sorry I haven't been updating, almost summer thank goodness! Finals suck. **SIGH**, no matter. R/R plez! Thankx 


	15. Pure luv and control

A/n- SO sorry for the wait! I just got Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I just finished it. My fans for my story 'Penny for your thoughts' have been waiting for updates too. I redid chapter 11. So if you're wondering 'why is the story shorter' it's because I edited out the evil Angel and all that.  
  
I read it over and even I thought it was bad. I have no idea why I thought of that. Sorry, for being late and for my HORRIBLE grammar in the other chapters.  
  
Well, on with it  
  
Buffy and Spike where sitting on the couch. Buffy looked so sad she had tears streaming down her face messing up her mascara. Spike looked seriously concerned and put his arms protectively around her waist.  
  
"I not ready to have a baby. And I'll never be a good mother! Not like that lady. She has a gorgeous house, she doesn't have to work, and she can COOK."  
  
"That's the last time I watch a bloody Lifetime movie with you love." They sat together watching the credits roll up the screen.  
  
"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?" Buffy screamed frantically.  
  
"Pet, for the 7th time TO-day. I'm am not going to leave you. No matter how out-of-control your hormones are. OKAY?"  
  
"CONTROL????? You're the one who did THIS to me!" Buffy motioned to her still flat stomach. "Don't you dare talk to ME about control!"  
  
"Look ducks, you've only been pregnant what? A month? You really need to calm down sweetheart. You know that I would never leave you. No matter how emotional you get. No matter how angry you get, no matter how fat you get-"  
  
"ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT I'M FAT!?!" Buffy slipped out of his arms and ran upstairs to the bathroom.  
  
"That women is driving me insane." He muttered to himself as he walked upstairs to check on his finance.  
  
Buffy was standing on the scale. She looked up at Spike and folded her arms.  
  
"I gained 4 pounds." She burst into tears again and said, "I am FAT!"  
  
Spike scooped her up into his arms and carried her to their bedroom and sat her down on the bed.  
  
"Love, listen to me. You are not fat, you're skinner than a sodding toothpick and you know it. So don't deny it. I love you. I love YOU. Not your looks, YOU."  
  
"So I'm ugly now?"  
  
"No, you are never ugly in my eyes baby."  
  
"So to EVERYONE ELSE I'm ugly?"  
  
"Okay, I'm trying to be super sensitive and calm. SO, I'm just going to Giles' to see what's up. I want you to take a nice hot bath. Put all of your bloody salts, soaps, and oils or whatever in the water to help you relax. I'll be back in half an hour." He kissed her forehead. "I love you. You drive me insane, but I love you."  
  
"I know. Me too." Buffy smiled softly and kissed Spike softly on the lips.  
  
"Just think, you were a cat a month ago. Now we're engaged. I really thought you left me." '  
  
"I could never leave you. For three reasons: 1) I would never forgive myself. 2) I don't have the heart. 3) You'd kick my ass."  
  
Buffy giggled slightly.  
  
"That's so true, I would kick your ass. You know me to well."  
  
"Yeah it's almost scary huh pet? Me knowing all your little secrets and feelings."  
  
"Definitely scary, but at the same time it's nice to have an equal. Who knows me and who isn't weak. But strong in every way possible." She paused. "Great now I sound like a hallmark card!"  
  
"Yeah you do. But it was straight from your heart." He kissed her forehead lightly. "See you later luv."  
  
Spike smiled softly and turned to walk out the door.  
  
R/R Too fluffy/mushy? Funny yesno. TELL ME!!! Thankx for taking out your reading schedule to read my insane fic. (I am evil for leaving you hangn' huh?) 


	16. Explanations and 4?

As spike made his way to Giles' his mind was racing with thoughts.  
  
How could that picture be real?  
  
He thought about this many times but never really took it that seriously. He thought it was because of the spell Harmony had cast upon him. It very well could be but he wasn't so sure about Buffy's baby.  
  
He knew it wasn't anyone else's because he would have smelt them on her in an instant.  
  
Spike finally reached his destination AKA the Watcher Pad.  
  
He brought his hand up to knock but realized that he was still the big bad so he just waltzed right in as if he owned the apartment.  
  
By doing this he scared Giles half to death.  
  
"Bloody 'ell, Spike don't you have any respect for a man's dignity?"  
  
"You're telling me about dignity? What about chaining me up to the sodding bathtub. That's taking a man's dignity."  
  
"I had good reason to!" Giles half-yelled as he took off his glasses.  
  
"Oh yeah, let's chain poor defense William the Bloody up because we're scared of what he might do." Spike said with a mock English accent.  
  
"We're getting no where fighting Spike. I have some disturbing news-"  
  
"Blah, Blah, BLAH. That's all I hear comin' from your mouth watcher."  
  
"Becauseofthespellyourpartlyhumanandthat'swhyyoucanhavekids." Giles said in one breath.  
  
"All I heard was human and kids, and by the sound of that I know you're not telling me everything ripper."  
  
"I hate this a lot more than you! You took Buffy away from me!"  
  
"She was never yours to begin with!"  
  
Giles sighed deeply, sounding rather annoyed.  
  
"Okay here's what's really going on. This spell that Harmony cast will not make Buffy have just one child." Giles took a deep breath. "She'll have four."  
  
"Wow, I knew I was good in bed but not that good."  
  
"Please don't ever talk about your sex life in front of me ever again."  
  
"What? It's true, you can even ask Dru, Darla, Harmony, Buffy even Ang-"  
  
"I'll PRETEND I'm not hearing this!"  
  
"Ok, fine. So why four?"  
  
"Well it evens out the balance."  
  
"Balance meaning...?"  
  
"Well, two boys. One would be evil and the other good. That's your side, its like one William and one Vampire Spike. The other two are girls. One Slayer and one would be whatever human characteristic Buffy posses. Do you understand where I'm coming from?'  
  
"So, two boys. One would be a crying poet and the other a handsome debonair boy. Then two more girls one that can kick my ass and the other a sodding cheerleader?"  
  
"Sort of like that yes. But they wouldn't come that the same time. That's the problem."  
  
"Wait I have to have four kids and there's a problem with that?"  
  
"Well, you have three options. According to the text Buffy would either have to have two sets of twins. Or go through the pain of four separate births-"  
  
"What if she doesn't have four kids?"  
  
"Then she will perish, as will you and whatever offspring you have had."  
  
"And what text is this?"  
  
"That doesn't matter right now. I hate to admit this but Spike if you leave Buffy without producing 4 heirs, she will die." Giles said seriously. He waited for Spike's reaction.  
  
Spike smirked evilly.  
  
"So you're giving me permission to sleep with the closed person you have to a daughter?"  
  
"Yes." Giles answered tightly through his gritted teeth.  
  
"What if we 'produce' five kids?" Spike was enjoying this very much.  
  
"Then you would have to have eight, but I'm afraid of that happening."  
  
"So, after the forth kid I have to start using condoms?"  
  
"Yes." Giles smirked. "Or you could give up sex entirely."  
  
"Over my rotting corpse."  
  
"Thought I'd at least try." Giles muttered under his breath.  
  
"Do you want me to tell Buffy?"  
  
"Do you want me to tell you to tell Buffy even though you'd just do it anyway?" Giles asked raising his eyebrow.  
  
"True. Well, this is like a new beginning 'ay? First I'm a cat then I'm shaggin' the slayer. Now I'm gonna be a daddy." Spike turned toward the door. But has he reached the wooden door he once more. "Don't you just love new beginnings?" Spike was smiling like a madman.  
  
He giggled slightly, which was very creepy. Then walked out the door to tell Buffy the semi good news.  
  
A/N- So sorry this is so late. I'll try to update. (Hey I rhymed). As you can tell this will be going to go into another story sooner or later. Hope you like, please R/R! 


	17. Stalling, hormones and telling

Buffy sat on her bed waiting for her finance to arrive. She looked down on her now rounded tummy.  
  
No matter how much Spike told her that she wasn't fat she felt like a cow. At least he hadn't drop out and left her alone in the dark to raise a child.  
  
"If love is crime I'll do time," singing came from the hall.  
  
Buffy looked at the door. The singing was Spike? Why was he so flipping happy? Oh yeah he wasn't the one carrying an unborn baby and feeling like crap.  
  
The door swung open with unnecessary drama. Spike had a huge madman grin upon his gorgeous face. His eyes sparkled with an encrypted secret. He crossed the room and grasped Buffy making her squeak a little bit. Then he crashed his lips against her with loving force.  
  
After a couple of long seconds he pulled away and sat on her bed next to her and starting stroking her hair.  
  
"Okay, that was.......nice and all. So what's the news." Buffy tried to change the subject before her hormones got the best her again.  
  
"You have to guess pet," he said with mock seriousness.  
  
"The baby is going to be a cat?"  
  
Spike nodded, "Yeah, its going to be a cat."  
  
"What? I was joking how could this HAPPEN!?! It'sallyourfaultyoudirtybastardIhateyou!" She kicked him off the bed and started out the door.  
  
He jumped up in the flash of a beating butterfly wing and grabbed her arm. "Love, kidding okay." He chuckled at her sudden change of expression to shock. "It's nothing like that okay? Giles research on his little books on slayer babies produced with vampires and I have good news."  
  
He fixed the labels on her baby blue maternity top. It was pretty big but was deliciously fashionable.  
  
"Oh thank the heavens above my child isn't a freaking furry animal! Don't you EVER do that to me again, or you'll be one of those fathers that watches their child from outside the house."  
  
Spike's expression changed abruptly to a look of pain. This stirred Buffy's guilt so she stroked his cheek with her fingertips. "I'm sorry baby." She said quietly. She forgot how fragile males could be.  
  
With Angel she never would burst out like that, well not unless he REALLY pissed her off. But with Spike he always had a tuff guy thing going on and that shielded his sensitive side. Which was totally adorable when he was, but even that happened rarely and in private.  
  
"You know I'd never put you through that. I'd stake you first." She said with a touch of caring and love.  
  
"I'm glad you care about me that much ducks." He laughed a bit and shrugged it off.  
  
He finally got the girl of his obsessions and dreams. They were getting married and having a total of at least four children and he was threatened that by being cocky. It was time to really grow into his father figure role for the sake of his kids and his dignity if front of Buffy.  
  
"The news is?" She brought him out of his thoughts by rolling his hips a bit with her hands.  
  
"Right, well," he was temporally distracted by the playful look in her eyes and the feel of her hands. "Giles said," okay now he totally lost his train of thought when one of her hands traveled up his shirt barley touching his stomach.  
  
"Cat got your tongue?" She said lowly trying to be sexy.  
  
"No, but in a second I'm going to have yours." He was going for the attack but she stopped him.  
  
"News first, grunting and such later." She lost all of her playfulness and became business-like.  
  
"Oh, I don't think so love. You don't get to tease me and stop when I wanna play." He tried to sound angry but it came out pleading.  
  
"Sorry honey, but I really want to know." She stuck out her bottom lip and starting pouting.  
  
"Stop that or you won't be able to walk ever again." He could never resist her like this, pouty and wanting.  
  
"Then tell me!" She tried plan B, the puppy dog eyes and whimper-like noise.  
  
"I don't want to kill the mood." This was the first time in months she wanted to do ANYTHING since she got pregnant.  
  
"PUH-lease. I'll let you do anything to my little body." Spike gaped, he knew that it was the hormones talking but he didn't care. One second she was angry the next well she was like this. But that's why he loved her. So he took the easiest way to break the news, be blunt.  
  
"Well, the watcher said you have four kids with me to balance out the power of vampire and slayer. If you don't you die and if you have five you need another three." He said this in a rushed voice.  
  
All Buffy caught was 'four kids or you'll die'.  
  
Buffy reacted in a normal mature womanly way possible. She fainted into Spikes arms.  
  
A/n- thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed! R/R please 


End file.
